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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nismoplsr's LiveJournal:

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    Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
    9:41 pm
    wow
    Apparently i havent been on here in 46 weeks. Makes sense. Internet has been worthless until i changed the antique router tonight to a newer one. Im crazy. After being rejected by eharmony and match/chemistry not approving my profiles i found a free dating website today. Free. Here is what they said for the results of my compatibility test:


    Self-Confidence

    As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.

    The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.

    Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

    Family Orientation

    As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.

    You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.

    What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.

    Self-Control

    The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.

    As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.

    Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

    Openness

    As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.

    Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.

    Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

    Easygoingness

    Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.

    High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.

    How does your personality affect your love life?


    With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.

    Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.

    Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.

    As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.

    Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.
    Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
    12:53 am
    I miss her. Everything that happens reminds me of her. Its just what i had to do. I knew it wouldnt be easy but i was hoping it would be easier than this.
    Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
    4:30 am
    Ever see that commercial where it says "people are smart"? Does it piss you off as much as it does me? I know people are not smart at all and that people are dumb. This world is so fucked up. It seems like everyone i know has some sort of "problem" where it requires medication. I don't understand how we got to this point where it really is required for everyone to be drugged up to fix their supposed problems. No one is normal and everyone is different. Who gets to choose what is a not socially accepted as a way of thinking or a way to feel or act. The majority of these meds produce common side effects that are symptoms of other diseases that so happen to have meds out to cure them. Soon we will get to a point where every last person is on chemicals and walk around like a damn zombie and when the drugs cant control them and they do something wrong you just blame it on their disease. Fuck man, just by listening to these commercials i should be on at least two or three different pills. Maybe its just me really needing to be on these that make me write ridiculous shit like this. I don't know.
    Sunday, December 2nd, 2007
    12:33 pm
    I think its about time to start a new life. New me transformation starts today. This life will also go by some combination of sayings. Give nothing expect nothing from no one give all get nothing from no one but be happy about trying, or something like that.
    Sunday, November 25th, 2007
    7:28 pm
    Why do i always end up in this situation? A broken car, a broken heart and an empty bank account.

    It is a common saying "you get from life what you put into it" well i am not getting anything but shit from life when i put way more in. Is there a delay?

    I worked my ass off all summer and saved almost everything i made. Then i paid cash for my last 2 classes i need to get my degree. Now i am broke. I barely paid bills this month and wont be working in time to make money to pay next months bills. Luckily i still have one last paycheck coming that should cover everything.

    I found a girl who i liked alot. We went through alot even though ive never met her i loved her. I tried my hardest to make her happy all the time, tried my hardest to do everything she wanted. Did i get anything back from this effort? No. I get left sitting in parking lots for hours waiting to hear from her then i get left waiting for hours at home for her to come over. Nothing. Little did she know this weekend was her last chance and she blew it hardcore. I hope everything she said to me were lies and not just the parts about making plans or else me leaving her is going to hurt alot.

    My car was running, not well, but running since i put it on the road in June. It was semi-reliable transportation up until 3 weeks ago. Me and Dan went out for a spirited drive and i burnt an exhaust valve. Been waiting 2 weeks for the new one to come in the mail. I dont know where it is or what the deal is but i am calling tomorrow to cancel the order. This is bullshit. I will just tear apart my other engine to get the parts i need.

    My car is my life and it always sucks when this shit happens to me and i dont have anyone special to help me get through it. As stupid as that sounds. Either way all this shit combined sends me into depression. I dont want to eat, go to class, do home work or anything. I just want to sleep until everything gets better. Which intern makes things worse. I will be able to force myself to go to class hopefully be able to do homework, but i really dont want to work on my car.

    I hope no one reads this. I am not asking for help or pity.
    Friday, May 18th, 2007
    11:46 am
    Growing up sucks.

    I had a interview for a real job today. Associate Manufacturing Engineer at US Surgical Corp. Hense, i took out my plugs and got my hair cut yesterday. :-( Tomorrow is commencement. I suppose i am a grown up now. It doesnt feel right.
    Monday, April 9th, 2007
    12:57 am
    Never have i ever been so stressed out!!!

    To graduate next month i need to do the following;
    Pass 3 classes
    Pass 2 PE classes
    Finish one ISP
    Start and finish another ISP
    Get a bogus NR changed to a passing grade from last term


    To get my car together so i can have a vehicle to drive this summer:
    sell 240...need the money for parts
    call find out where they hell my sheet metal parts are that i ordered almost 2 weeks ago
    find out where they hell my brake rotors are that i ordered almost 2 weeks ago
    then like 1000 hours of labor on the car


    Figure out where i want to work this summer:
    Get a real engineering job in CT? that i will probably hate
    Work at the Lake again, save up money then move across the country?



    As of right now i am not even registered for either ISP
    have NR for China class last term
    Failing all 3 classes
    an the brink of failing 2 PEs
    not even close to having a car
    no resume to submit to engineering jobs
    no gf
    living alone
    no money



    I feel like im bipolar
    i go from thinking i can accomplish it all and it will all work out to getting so overwhelmed i just crash. I cant even get myself to clean up the apt so i have sanitary living quarters, never mind do anything that really matters.

    FUCK! Why is it even an option to go back to lake compounce to make like $10 an hour when i could get a real job and make 55k a year. Well maybe its because i dont even think im going to graduate.

    Im so on the verge of having a serious nervous breakdown, the littlest stupid shit almost makes me cry. WTF!?!?!

    Today at easter dinner i got 3 birthday cards from grandparents and aunts and uncles, but my own parents didnt even realize my birthday was in 2 days.

    Yea and about that im going to be 23, and practically all my friends and everyone i know are actually going places in life. My younger brother is a chef on a cruise ship and is traveling all over. Other friends are make shit tons of money with legit jobs. I dunno what happened, at this point im just a waste of space and resources.

    One of the main reasons i went home this weekend was to show a couple guys my 240 to sell it, the stupid fucker didnt show up twice, the other one bought a different car on friday. Im so aggrivated with stupid ass people, ive been trying to sell shit for 8 months and have had like 20 people interested in things, and they either never come to look or make up stupid excuses or some other bullshit. At this point i need the money so bad i am practically giving things away and still cant get dumbasses to buy anything.


    I dont know, i hope no reads this, it doesnt matter. Nobody can make a difference, its all on me. Im just writting cuz i feel like it as a pound beers so i can maybe fall asleep tonight, with hope that i actually wake upi to making it to fucking class. Ive missed more classes the past 3 weeks that i did the whole rest of this year. Why? because i cant deal with everything so i just sit here and get more pissed and stressed at myself for not doing my shit. But thats just the way ive always been, i cant change, ive tryed. Its even the main reason why i am still here for a 5th year. Bah, im constantly fighting my own self, it fucking sucks.

    Whatever.
    Monday, April 2nd, 2007
    6:30 pm
    Yea i copied Jess and took that colergenics quiz again. Sadly it is correct gain.


    At this time you are really feeling quite exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling that is going on about you and you are looking for some sort of protection from this state of affairs. Ideally you are seeking a peaceful condition and a tranquil environment in which you can be afforded the chance to relax and recover......

    You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image. You need for those people in positions that matter to recognise your potential and to acknowledge you.

    You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

    You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.

    You are fed up with other people trying to influence you and you also feel that it is necessary to protect yourself from the threat that your independence and freedom may be restricted. You would just like to be left alone.
    Saturday, March 10th, 2007
    1:37 am
    WTF?
    Your Personality is Very Rare (ENTP)

    Your personality type is optimistic, curious, enthusiastic, and open.

    Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 3% of all women and 5% of all men.
    You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.


    Is being rare good or bad?
    Monday, February 12th, 2007
    3:08 am
    Crazy film
    So i watched "The Fountain" tonight with Jungles. Im still not sure how i feel about the movie. I like some parts and other parts i dont like, I either need some time to think about it or see it again to decide.

    Either way i think i maybe decided that im better off without a girlfriend. That way i cant be left any more times. Sure it sucks being "alone" but it sucks even more to be above normally happy to then be tossed away.
    Sunday, February 11th, 2007
    1:15 am
    Things i miss
    I miss doing art
    I miss doing magic
    I miss having someone special
    I miss driving my car
    I miss shooting guns

    ...I am going to try and fix this little problem, of missing things, by re-enstating their positions in my life to the best of my ability.
    Thursday, February 1st, 2007
    12:14 am
    Night after night i stay up waiting to talk to someone special. Then there were none.
    Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
    10:30 pm
    winter woes
    It has to be the weather. Seams as though around this time every year i get depressed. I highly doubt that the cause of my hopelessness is just the incidents that are currently happening. Yea i have things to be distressed about but so do i year round. I just want to get away from everything here.
    1:02 am
    So, as expected things when't to shit once again. I dont know how or if i really even want to explain things. But basically i got what i deserved. I knew it was destined to happen and inevitably would. The turd hit the spinning blades. All things will come together , then they will all fall apart. Thats something i learned from my intro to China class. Supposedly its a famouse first line of the "romance of the 3 kingdoms". Werd. They deffinataly do. Its just the time that things stay apart before they come together verse the time they stay together before they come apart shouldnt be in balence like they seem to be. Sometimes they even seem to be out of balence in the opposite way i would like them to be for me.





    The past few months i thought things were working out like i thought they should. I saw the future based on the present and it seemed as though they were going to work out well. Now they dont manifest themselves that way. I just see my previous plans turning into an emergency escape plan from what was going to be the future.


    What does this mean now? It means that no matter how comfortable or how well you think you know yourself and your position in life things never are what you plan for nor what they apear to be. Lesson, screw the past and the future, only live as though now is the last experience you will have. Absolute no regrets.


    Whatever.
    Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
    11:20 pm
    While procrastinating via the previously mentioned method i [next blog]ed across a blog that is a random blog blog. Seems they all are in english making this time killer way better.

    http://randomblogbutton.blogspot.com/
    8:07 pm
    Now i am searching Myspace music for the perfect song to fit my mood. I dont know what my mood is so this is kind of difficult. Ill know when i hear it but untill then i procrastinate.
    7:11 pm
    Dont bother me, Im wasting potential.
    So i found yet another way to procrastinate. Its amazing how far a persons mind will travel to avoid doing things you dont enjoy doing.

    1)Goto www.blogger.com
    2)click random blogs [next blog]
    3)read
    4)click [next blog]
    5)read
    6)repeat steps 4-5
    Monday, December 11th, 2006
    10:49 am
    Feeling like a giant douchebag. I have this saying that well, is my own secret but it describes the place where my head is right now. I know what to me is one of the worst feelings possible, yet i seem so careless in my actions. I dont know what the right choice is though. And no one is going to be able to help me because im not talking about it with anyone.
    3:50 am
    Stole it from a friend. I added comments in the ::s http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm this test told me the following...


    You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right. ::hope im right::

    You are a fighter and always on the defensive. You always need to be sure that your position is safe and established. :: i dont agree:: When you finally make a decision you will pursue it to the bitter end in spite of all opposition. ::Deff!::

    It's the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. ::most times of the year:: This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to 'let go' and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of. ::already happened::

    Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. :: is the past 20 years recent? :: You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust. :: eh sorta::

    You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationalilty, since you realise that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be. :: pretty much, i think too much for my own good, then when i am without inhibitions i loose things::
    Friday, December 1st, 2006
    11:34 pm
    So this one time i thought i helped somone with a problem then after i was gone they forgot all about the caring energy that i transfered to them. Then another entity with absorbed help energy, relapsed. Good thing i am a giant fool full of this source of energy.

    I am lost and never know what to do with my powers. I get sick of being me. This constant grey cloud above me, called Worcester, never helps. This place and frame of life is horrible. A human is superior, or so we think, do to the fact we are of a higher evolutionary lever of brain patterns. In other words we have feelings. A being that has these things should never ever be subjected to a dimension such as this.

    There is not much at this point that i can do about it. I "have" to finish my bachelors degree or i will have wasted $60K. Being here sucks. There is so much more to life than what is learned here. I feel that i have reached the limit of this institutions impact on my life. I have been here over long. Its my own fault but if it wasnt for everyone else requiring me to obtain a degree that represents what have learned regardless what i actually have, i would procede with my life right now.
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